!: How a White House State Dinner Really Works, With Or Without Gate Crashers!

Are you curious about how a State Dinner REALLY works? Who does what, how is it planned, who gets on the guest list, who designs the decor, how is the gate supposed to work - since we can see what happens when it doesn't?

As we come to the final, jaw-dropping episode of the Real Housewives of DC this week, with its two hour "reunion," we'll finally get to see what Tariq and Michaele Salahi have to say about their ill-fated trip to the White House last November, and what the other housewives think. Eleven months ago and we're STILL talking about it. Why? Because of their sheer, unblinking, unhesitating, relentless... nerve. (You thought I was gonna use another word there, didn't you?)

Everybody wonders what happened, and how it happened, so I'm going to break it down for you here, and I'm uniquely qualified to do that since I'm the ONLY person in history to work on these events for eight full years. While the Social Office has the primary responsibility for organizing State Dinners, I participated in the planning and execution of many of these, the most high-profile events to take place at the White House. There's no Social Secretary or Social Office staffer who worked that long.

Here's how it all begins: with a date coordinated between the White House, State Department, and the country being honored. Last November it was India. Once the date is set, usually months in advance, the planning begins, much of it dictated by the guest list. You see, you can only seat 130 guests in the State Dining Room. Maybe that sounds like a lot to you (or me, for that matter) but it's not nearly enough seats for a State Dinner. After all, when the President travels, he may be entertained at Buckingham Palace, where the Queen can seat 300, or in the Kremlin where there's room for 400 guests seated at dinner. How can we reciprocate with only 130 seats?

The list starts with the President and First Lady, senior White House staff, the honored guests and their senior staff. That's maybe thirty or forty people. Then there are the Members of Congress whose committees deal with the honored country, and their spouses. A couple of important Congressional chiefs of staff. And spouses. Now you're at fifty - or more. Some distinguished members of the press who write about international affairs. And let's not forget the friends and supporters of the President who expect to be thanked by invitations to swell White House events like this. And the "potential" friends and supporters the President needs to court for the future - the White House is the most fabulous venue in the country for making friends and impressing people, and all the most successful Presidents and First Ladies have understood its power.

You can practically fill up a room with just this lot, but woe is you if you do! It would be the dullest party imaginable. Truly snooze city!

You have to add in the assorted movie and music stars, the champion athletes, the brilliant novelists and poets, the fashion designers and other creative folks who add sparkle, wit, erudition and just plain fun to the party - because it is a PARTY, after all!

So, next thing you know, it's impossible to keep the list to 130. Now what? Well, you can move the party to the East Room and add a few more tables, but that's difficult for the kitchen, and the East Room is usually where the entertainment is. Hmmmm.

In the Clinton White House we solved this dilemma by setting up a tent on the South Lawn. The Bushes didn't need to, since they were happy with small dinners. The Obamas have clearly embraced the concept of larger and more inclusive, so they use tents a lot. Now, when I say "tent" you may have a mental picture of some tent you've seen somewhere. Forget it. The closest thing to one of THESE tents is a hangar. Yes, that big. But it doesn't look like a hangar. It's decorated by world class designers with the most glorious flowers and sets, chandeliers hang from the ceiling and spot lights illuminate every table. White House china shines at every place. Maybe the First Lady decided to use the vermeil flatware (gold overlay over silver). The White House doesn't own a lot of linens; with rentals you have more options. The result is dramatic and so beautiful that guests usually gasp when they enter the space.

But we were talking about the guest list!

The Social Secretary sends a memo to senior staff asking them to make suggestions for names to add to the list. There are many meetings in the Social Office to discuss these - who definitely needs to be on the list for this event, who can by pushed off to wait for a different dinner, who is just inappropriate as a guest at the White House. (Like the time someone suggested a guest I knew had just produced a movie rated NC17, and who had been on TV urging young people to sneak into movie theaters to see it. Ugh!) It's all in play until about a month before, when the list is "final" and the invitations go out.

Aaah, invitations! That's the crux of the Salahi situation, isn't it? The White House has a staff of four calligraphers, and can bring in extra help if necessary. The invitations are BEAUTIFUL, with the gold Presidential seal at the top. Also in the envelope is a response card reading, "Please respond to the Social Secretary at your earliest convenience with the name, social security number and date of birth for yourself and your guest." If the Salahis had really received an invitation, they would have known to do this.

That's not to say people don't sometimes get invited at the last minute - they do. Like any large party, there are sometimes changes (although etiquette says the only acceptable reason for failing to accept a Presidential invitation is death or serious illness.) But, suppose there is some last minute emergency. Your husband broke his leg and can't get on a plane with you. What then? Well, you can call the Social Office, let them know, and politely ask if you may bring a different guest, like your son or daughter (as long as they're not children!)

So it's true that sometimes people do not have the actual invitation but would be "on the list." That's why every White House I've heard of sends a staff person - or several staff people - to the gate with a clip board and the most up-to-date list. And there's another important reason for that, one I've never heard any other pundit talk about: I think it's really a shame if the very first people greeting dinner guests at the White House are security personnel. Really. Nothing against the capable and dedicated men and women of the Uniform Division of the United States Secret Service. I love 'em. Loved working with them. But the White House is not an airport! The first face you see should not be security!

The first face you see should be an attractive and competent member of the Social Office or Visitors Office staff who will smile and say, "Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, welcome to the White House! Let me just check your names off this list, and then please step this way for security. The President and First Lady will be delighted to see you!" Then everybody understands walking through the magnetometers and it's all good.

This is where the Salahi's story gets so weird. It's clear from the later-revealed emails of the woman at the Defense Dept they had asked for help that she flat out told them they were NOT invited. They went anyway. And the rest of the story is truly shocking. Because they looked attractive, upper class and appropriately dressed, they apparently talked their way past the Secret Service. That's pretty incredible. Especially since all the officers had to do was make a phone call! Really. Every person from the Social Office was working that event, and every one of them, including the Social Secretary, was carrying a phone, BlackBerry, pager, radio - some way to keep in touch with everyone else. Why didn't they make a call? It's bizarre. And so unfortunate. Especially since the two officers got suspended.

And here's another reason you must have staff at the gate: it's unfair to the Secret Service to put them in the position of having to decide who is and who is not a guest of the President. That's what staff does. Staff can say to someone, "I'm so sorry, but you're not on the list for tonight's event." Then, if it's necessary, USSS backs them up with some authority.

So, if you, like me, are planning to watch the final episode of the Real Housewives of DC to see just what really happened, at least now you know how it's supposed to happen!